Terms of Theo Epstein's agreement to return to the Boston Red Sox as a fulltime employee are not available. However, our crack staff has infiltrated the Red Sox hierarchy and has some clues.
1. Theo will no longer have to fetch coffee for unnamed superiors.
2. Every time Larry Lucchino says the secret word (rhymes with toy), the Groucho Marx duck will drop down and Theo gets 100 grand.
3. Larry Lucchino now comes into the office heavily duct taped.
4. The farm system can no longer be indiscriminately raided (Bagwell for Andersen)
5. The co-GMs will no longer be required to call the CEO, Mr. Lucchino
6. Mr. Henry will install a Bloomberg terminal in Theo's office as a token of his appreciation
7. Mr. Lucchino will find his Bloomberg terminal missing
8. Mr. Lucchino's telephone is no longer working
9. The co-GMs agree to stop calling Mr. Lucchino 'Rainman'
10.Manny agrees to stay in return for Theo putting a down payment on Manny's penthouse