The Masters of Disguise

Never confuse misdirection with lack of direction. The Red Sox have a plan, in fact a "master plan" with many key elements. They could tell us what it is, but they'd have to kill us, which won't do, especially with overpriced tickets and concessions.

First, what you see is NOT what really is. Anyone with half a brain (or less if you've been drinking), knows that Ben Cherington is Larry Lucchino's SOCK PUPPET. Cherington speaks the words, but they're coming from Lucky's mouth. Lucchino knew that he couldn't trust that last backstabber, Theo Epstein, so he's moved on. Only Lucchino needs only to get credit as a father of victory, and has no responsibility when the Sox implode. "How did that chicken get in the clubhouse?" That, as we all know, belongs on the shoulders of Epstein and the Departed One.

The Sox are demonstrating the requisite DELIBERATE approach to managerial selection. With all due respect to the remaining candidates, Bobby Valentine, Torey Luvullo, and Gene Lamont, the Sox haven't really considered the really dynamic candidates.

First, here's a vote for Stephen King. Who could strike more fear into both players and opposition than the master of epic horror? King has an in-depth, almost maniacal knowledge of the Red Sox, and he'd probably work cheap as he doesn't need the money. Second, what about considering Jon Corzine, late of MF Global. Corzine's got a lot of political connections, is unemployed, and he hates even the thought of pinstripes. He might be a little busy with Congressional hearings, but that's nothing new for baseball.

Next, the Sox must resolve the thorny compensation issue of Theo Epstein's departure. Theo must be giggling at what he's put over on the Sox thus far. The locals haven't even gotten a deep-dish pizza for losing their GM. You can't call it an Epic Fail, yet, but offering us Kyle Orton on a waiver claim doesn't exactly make it. Hey, we knew that he'd never clear waivers and get to Chicago, right? Ben Cherington may have threatened to hold his breath until we get satisfaction, but probably realized what he was feeling were the cold hands of Larry Lucchino around his neck.

But the key issue, as everyone knows, is free agent loss. We understand that some free agents or others not offered arbitration may have caused  testosterone-laden brawls, in the dog-eat-dog world of professional baseball. But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't replace your losses. What is the Nation to do?