I Can Do This Job

"Experience is the best teacher, but sometimes the tuition is high."

"Listen, Mr. Henry, I can do this job." I'll go through just a partial list of qualifications, which should surely impress you.

1. Intimately familiar with trends, both following and fading them, including the use of technical analysis parameters such as directional movement and 20 day breakouts, such as Turtle Trading. Believer in 'mean reversion', which portends well for Keith Foulke.

2. Definitely on the wrong side of fifty. No young whippersnapper here.

3. Played Division I baseball in college. Er, sat on the bench in the bullpen specifically. At least I played beyond high school.

4. Can say, "Yes, sir, no sir, right away sir, aye aye sir, and I don't know sir, but I'll find out sir" with the best of them.

5. Know the value of a dollar, and the value of a franc, French, Swiss, or Belgian.

6. Willing to fetch Mr. Lucchino coffee, anytime.

7. Local product, born and raised in Massachusetts.

8. Intimately familiar with "Moneyball" concepts, having played Rotisserie baseball since virtually its inception, with multiple league titles, including from the defunct Prodigy network. Read "Moneyball". Picture of Billy Beane on my desk (not really, but I'll try anything).

9. Outstanding relationship with Boston Dirt Dogs.

10. Son went to school with Chris Snow (wink, wink), so I can potentially manipulate the Boston Globe.

11. Ivy League education (see previous GM)

12. Regular trader, unafraid to make decisions, with appropriate risk management.

13. Creative management style (see previous Dirt Dogs seating capacity expansion plans).

14. Willing to work cheaper than retread, revolving-door GMs you'll be considering.

My number's in the book.