Kazmir Sweats Sox

Every problem has a solution, although the Kazmir Problem seems to be growing like a fine wine ages. Tonight the Tampa portsider fired a 2-hit shutout as the Sox got an unwelcome return to the AL 3-0.

Kazmir already has earned the honorable 'Ted Lilly' Soxkiller award, normally reserved for the likes of Whitey Ford, Dave Stewart, and Jim Palmer.

So what are Sox fans to do? Other than calling the Revere Reeducation Center or Whitey Bulger, the Sox have only a few options, short of Wily Mo Pena returning to health. We could hope for a sudden case of progeria variant, and certainly nothing as awful as what happened to Dave Dravecky. We could ask Dave Cowens to see if he could talk Kazmir into driving a cab. And we could hope that as an impressionable young man, he might join a cult, but not one headed by Donald Fehr and Gene Orza.

Better yet, we should start the "Bring Scott K to Boston Foundation," with only 500,000 New Englanders required to chip in ten bucks apiece to put toward the Scott K annuity, assuring that when Scott leaves Tampa that he'll consider Fenway, not the Bronx his Final Destination. "The Early Bird Catches the Worm," and we're not talking about division rivals Toronto or Baltimore, either.